I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
