I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
