Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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