Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
