Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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