she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
