idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
