I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
