Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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