sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
