i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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