it was like his penis was on wheels.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
