can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
