So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
