Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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