God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
