Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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