If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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