Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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