That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
