did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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