Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
