He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
