it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
