I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
