I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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