Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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