so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
