This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
