i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
