just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
