Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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