I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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