Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
