Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
