I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
