I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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