so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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