so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
