omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I believe in your delicious
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
