you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
