There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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