i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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