we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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