apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
