hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
