Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
