Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
