Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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