I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
