we have pet lesbian snakes
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
